Once you start to awaken,
no one can ever claim you again for the old patterns.
Now you realize how precious your time here is.
You are no longer willing to squander your essence
on undertakings that do not nourish your true self;
your patience grows thin with tired talk
and dead language. You see through the rosters
of expectation, which promise you safety
and the confirmation of your outer identity.
Now you are impatient for growth,
willing to put yourself in the way of change.
You want your God to be wild
and to call you to where your destiny awaits.
~ John O’Donohue
The Misery of Attachment
I used to believe that if I wanted something, it required me to focus on the details of my vision, and then work hard to make it happen. When I say work hard, I mean work HARD. Journal like crazy about it. Make vision boards about it. Yearn for it. When I didn’t get it, what ever IT was, I felt shame about doing something wrong or thinking I had an unconscious block, something wrong with me, that was preventing me from getting what I wanted. I’d be disappointed, in my life and myself, and so very tired from all the effort.
Sound familiar? I hear this a lot in people around me, this painful attachment to outcome.
“All will be well when “xxxx” happens.”
“I’m in misery waiting for this “xxxx” to work out.”
“If I don’t get “xxxx,” then I will be screwed.”
I see this fear and scarcity mentality so clearly in others because I now see it so clearly in myself. The paradox is that this way of working towards my dreams, being committed wholeheartedly to a particular outcome, sabotaged my ability to create my life. It prevented me from dreaming, and dreaming big. It kept me in a stew of self perpetuated misery about my life Now as I worried like a dog on a bone about the future I just had to have. And it blocked the flow of something even better coming into my life.
Let Go to Take Control
The absolutely fascinating thing I am learning is that when I let go of the reigns, I actually have more control over how I am in my life. I don’t necessarily have more control over what my life looks like in specifics, but, I have control over who I am, how I act and how I feel in my life. You see, we are so powerful. More powerful than we can comprehend. We have a capacity to make meaning of anything, everything. We can choose our own perception and not buy into some else’s beliefs. We can choose to make positive or negative meaning of everything that happens in our lives. That is true empowerment. That is the paradox. To be powerful one must give up the power struggle. Instead of having a story “Life is doing something to me,” I am choosing to grow the story “Life is doing something for me.”
“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” – Lao Tzu
Most of you know my husband and I have been planning on living outside the box for a few years. The form of our journey has shifted but the purpose is the same. We both want an adventure. We want to travel to places we have not seen before, be challenged to open our hearts and minds to whatever comes our way, and to trust. It takes trust to life outside the box. Trust that whatever happens is happening for a reason. Trust in our ability to take care of ourselves. Trust in the Universe’s desire for us to be happy and safe. Trust in synchronicity to guide us. We both want to be grown more by the adventures and the challenges of life. Life is so short and sweet and we want to Savor. Every. Single. Drop.
Living as an Offering
A year and a half ago we both decide to feel the fear and do it anyway. We began to imagine a time when Jordan would be free to pursue his creativity and I would be free to write, mentor others, teach all the yoga and lead all the women’s circles and retreats I desire. We’ve held this vision clearly but generally, always with the desire to live it as an offering to this planet.
My mantra now is “This, or something better, for the highest good of all.”
Now, whenever I move from a place of ego, attachment, fear or scarcity, things tend to become muddled rather quickly, and I get tired, angry, sad, foggy. I can feel the struggle in my body and my intuition, and thus my creativity, comes to a grinding halt. But when I move from a place of believing that my life is an offering for the divine, I can’t help but be grateful for and trusting of whatever comes my way. Life takes on a flavor of flowing, abundance, gratitude, clarity and joy. My body feels alive, supple and at peace.
Be Careful What You Wish For
Some amazing, magical things are happening this week for us. Things that are happening for us, not to us. Big transitions that I must keep private for another week. But please stay tuned. I want to share this adventure with you, as an offering of inspiration and continual teaching, for both you and I. Let’s study, learn, risk, inspire and play together.
From my ever curious and wide-open-to-what-comes heart to yours,