You just gotta laugh at life sometimes. I mean, seriously, the universe does have a sense of humor. We can chose to play along with forces much bigger than we are, or grumble and fight against whatever life presents to us. It is just way too exhausting to deny reality. So why not choose to see things as happening for us, instead of against us?
Last year my word of intention was actually three words: “Fire” and “Sacred Vessel.” I was itching to make big changes, so I stated clearly in my journal and meditations “Burn up what no longer serves in my life, my body, my mind so that I can be a sacred vessel of transformation for this planet.” Yeah, when I set intentions I tend to think BIG. So universe laughed and gave me what I asked for. 2012 was the year I decided to let go of anything that made me feel small, kept me stuck in a rut or did not treat me with loving kindness:
- Yes, that included a few relationships with really good people who were occasionally unkind, people I loved but people who I perceived loved me for what I did for them, and not for who I really was. (I’ve never “broken up” with anyone, so this was a HUGE leap for me.)
- In a powerfully transformative experience after my 21 days of solitude in the spring, I let go of a lifetime of shame that kept me from seeing the absolute perfection and beauty of all that had occurred in my life.
- I let go of being a victim to my memories, or to anything, actually, particularly myself.
- I let go of fear of being seen fully, and maybe even burned up lifetimes of persecution for daring to be me as a healer, leader and woman of power.
- In May, I said to the universe “Clear out what I can’t see is holding me back.” Universe smiled and within 3 days we were given a sudden notice by our landlord. I joked with my husband that evening that we needed a place to live for only 6 months, because after that we would begin to travel. I quipped “Oh, and while we are at it, between us we have lived in every county in the SF Bay area except Marin, so we should land there, and I want a house with a big yard for Bodhi, with a garden and beautiful view and hardwood floors.” The very next morning I found us a fully furnished house that was sublet for 6 months, and yes, in Marin, with hardwood floors, on the side of a hill, with a big yard full of beautiful nature.
- Within 2 weeks of getting notice, we sold all our furniture, gave away many of our belongings and moved most of what remained into a tiny storage unit.
- We began in earnest to dream of our travels to Central and South America, but something felt not quite right, as if it were a journey for us, but not for divine purpose. So I asked “What else is blocking us from our dreams?” Universe was gleefully dancing by this time. In October while we were visiting our family in Kauai, I was meditating at the sacred spot where Jordan and I had gotten married, a place where the waves come in from 3 directions and the wind speaks to me of letting go, always letting go. I joked with Spirit “Well, I guess what is left is Jordan’s job. He is not going let go that easily, so could you help us out?” Within 2 days, the evening after we arrived home, Jordan invited me out to dinner and happily announced “Well, the Universe has spoken…. I was laid off today.” We could not have planned it better ourselves.
- Within 3 weeks of that day, with his severance and a lot of research and very hard work, we committed to traveling the US for a year, bought a Casita travel trailer (think akin to a very small fiberglass cutie shaped like an Airstream), along with a new Jeep to pull the Casita, and cleaned out our belongings even more.
I don’t think I have ever felt so unencumbered before. It’s as if we are in free fall, learning to fly along the way. This past 2 weeks has been one of the most transformative times in our 10 years of marriage. We have both dug deep and uncovered wounds that were keeping us distant, from ourselves and from each other. We revealed and raged, cried and healed. The old stories are burning up and our partnership is reigniting. I am watching this man I adore step into his masculine power, and it gives me the courage to surrender more into my feminine power. What a gift this year of Fire has been!
New Years Eve Jordan announced “I want to learn to have more fun.” I smiled because “Play” is the word I have chosen for 2014.
So, Universe, I state it clearly: I want to learn to Play more. I want to surrender to your divine Play and trust your desire for me to be abundant, healthy and happy. I want to learn to have more Fun, and to laugh more often at myself and at life. I am so looking forward to the Adventure. So bring it on. I am yours. Let the games begin.
From my laughing-and-so-ready-to play heart to yours,